ILENE'S LIST OF PEOPLE WHO NEED TO GO FAR FAR AWAY (Part 2)

Once upon a time, I started naming people I wished would disappear as my Facebook Status Updates. As these requests of the universe began to accrue, it became difficult to keep track of them. (Point in case: I seemed to have skipped from 10 to 12 and never assigned a #11 to the list.)

Therefore, as a public service, or a personal indulgence, I created this master list, which will be updated as necessary & warranted. It is a living, breathing document (much like our Constitution.)

So, without further ado:
ILENE'S LIST OF PEOPLE WHO NEED TO GO FAR, FAR AWAY & NEVER RETURN
(From the home office in Moose, Wyoming)


14. A-ROD
For being a smug blight on MLB and pissing off Trace & Sha. You're OUT!!!





15. RASCAL FLATTS
For the love of all that is holy, they must be stopped. They have zero cool. Me & My Gang (of Dorks?) They didn't need to redo "Life Is A Highway" -- unnecessary remake alert. And WTF: Bob That Head? Their lead singer looks like Barney Rubble had a field-day with a tube of hair gel. For all the cool country music out there... Rascal Flatts is the antidote.



16. ASSORTED JACKASSES & SUNDRY.
I can't even muster up enough energy to care about any of these people enough to warrant their own entry. The following lackluster wastes of oxygen & DNA are now lumped into the Master List: Sherri Shepherd; Sean Hannity; Michele Malkin; Steve Douchey; Rush Limbaugh; anyone on either side of the aisle too paranoid and/or self-righteous to see people with opposing political views as intelligent humans; those who are not intelligent humans but just regurgitate talking points; Jon & Kate (but not their 8 -- why punish the poor children anymore than life already has); Kathie Lee Gifford; William Donohue & 'The Catholic League' which is really just him & his photocopy machine; every single person associated with Daisy of Love;Tony Danza; whoever these "Speidi" people from those Hills are; anyone with the last name Lohan; Rudy Giuliani; Tori Spelling; a good percentage of the people who just flooded Long Island east of Speonk for the season; everyone associated & featured on the TV Shows 'Rehab at the Hard Rock Hotel' and 'Jersey Shore Unleashed' ; rude 24 year old editorial assistants who need a good slap upside their head; Wolf Blitzer, Campbell Brown & Nancy Grace; NYC tourists who come to a dead stop in the middle of the sidewalk and/or top of subway stairs to gaze at god only knows what; Ann Coulter; John Boehner; anyone with the last name Palin (unless they starred in Monty Python); that panhandling, poet/violinist from hell at the 53rd Street E/F station; NBC Executives who cancelled Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip and 90% of the fucktards that populate the Sunshine State.

17. GLENN BECK. AN INCONVENIENT FUCKTARD.
Glenn Beck, how do I hate you? Let me count the ways. Mostly 'cause you're batshit crazy and only days away from flinging your own poo during one of your psychotic, babbling, hissy fit performance art segments live on air. The crap you spew, the nonsense you publish, the paranoid delusions you traffic, the ill-informed tirades you broadcast, the unfunny comedy you attempt and the excessive money you earn while promoting your ignorance-fueled, hate-filled, fearmongering agenda... something is very wrong with your brain.

18. WALKER, TEXAS DERANGER- CHUCK NORRIS
Seriously, THANK YOU for your service to our nation during the Korean War and for the creation and works of KickStart and mazel tov on your well-earned accolades and titles in the world of martial arts. Now... please, follow through on your offer to SECEDE and become President of Texas, you rednecked, jingoistic, nationalistic, knee-jerking, Hannity-hosting, evolution-denying, prop 8 promoting, bible-thumping, sanctimonious hack. You can't even keep true to the tenets of Chun Kuk Du you yourself created. And, dude -- your "acting" sucks. (Though, way to rule in favor of Average Joe's.) FUCKING CHUCK NORRIS.


19. LEVI JOHNSON
You knocked up your teenage girlfriend. Um, well done? You need to shut up, get an education, find a job, and visit your mom in jail. Cut the crap - no more pistachio commercials, Playgirl shoots, excessive media whoring, and 'revealing' interviews. You have as much credibility and eloquence as your almost mother-in-law has a handle on critical thinking, reality, and the mother tongue. STFU asshat.


20. MARIO LOPEZ
Hey, Slater - enough already. The fact that you're reporting (on Extra, no less) about H1N1, politics, Fort Hood and the intricacies of the Gosselin, Lohan, Kardashian and Hilton familial dramas and giving all those topics equal time and gravitas indicates the apocalypse is already upon us.
Put your damn shirt on and be gone.


21. CNN International's RICHARD QUEST
You know... once upon a time, when I had a "career", I got my fix of news while on the road from CNN Int'l. It was then my intense dislike of RICHARD QUEST was born. Dude, try the decaf, please. Second, try a lozenge and clear that throat. Tone it down - stop discussing international news and foreign affairs with all the tempered class of a game show host. You sound like the science teacher in the original Willie Wonka movie and you look like Roger Daltrey with a bad dye job in a bad suit all hepped up on crystal meth (um, yeah -- try not to get your ass arrested for possession of that - and other "toythings"- in Central Park anymore.) Um-kay? Thanks. Pip Pip, Cheerio, Bob's Your Uncle.


** Keep checking back for updates!!