ILENE TO THE WRITE: ILENE'S LIST OF PEOPLE WHO NEED TO GO FAR FAR AWAY (Part 1)

Once upon a time, I started naming people I wished would disappear as my Facebook Status Updates. As these requests of the universe began to accrue, it became difficult to keep track of them. (Point in case: I seemed to have skipped from 10 to 12 and never assigned a #11 to the list.)

Therefore, as a public service, or a personal indulgence, I created this master list, which will be updated as necessary & warranted. It is a living, breathing document (much like our Constitution.)

So, without further ado:
ILENE'S LIST OF PEOPLE WHO NEED TO GO FAR, FAR AWAY & NEVER RETURN
(From the home office in Moose, Wyoming)

***PRE-NUMBERING

Before official assignment of numbers began, I had also requested the banishment of ELIZABETH HASSELBACK and HARVEY LEVIN.
I stand by my recommendations.

1. PEREZ HILTON
He brings nothing of value to this world whatsoever and a population of illiterate trash worship him. Proof that hateful snark sells and horrible people succeed.

2. DONALD TRUMP
Evidence you can't buy class at any price.

3. Whoever the schmucks are who greenlit the movie BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA

4. BILL O'REILLY
Sweet Jesus, I hate Bill O'Reilly. The man is blissfully unravaged by the burden of intelligence. I suggest we sent him to Plum Island as a lab specimen ( you know, give him the deal Clarisse Starling offered Hannibal.) Free falafel and loofahs.

5. DANE COOK
I simply don't get the appeal.

6. Any and all people with the last name KARDASHIAN
Why are you here? What do you do?
Why are you famous? Why do you have a TV show?
Who watches that crap?

7. DR. PHIL
Paging DR. PHIL! Paging DR. PHIL!
Please report to obscurity - STAT!

8. ALL the REAL LIFE HOUSEWIVES
Everyone from ORANGE COUNTY, NEW YORK and ATLANTA (and now NEW JERSEY!) as well as any and all people involved in the production and glorification of these people, their lifestyles and their television programs need to be punished mercilessly. Bravo, indeed.

9. RYAN SEACREST
He's omnipresent - please go away and take all the TV shows you've produced and all the losers profiled on said programs.
Seacrest: GET OUT!

10. REGIS PHILBIN & LARRY KING
Isn't there some sort of retirement home for the irrelevant, clueless, rambling talk show hosts who can't manage a coherent interview?

11. CHOOSE YOUR OWN ASSHAT
The forgotten outcast. In lieu of having previously requested the banishment of someone... I'll take this opportunity to dedicate #11 to HE-WHO-SHALL-NOT-BE-NAMED. Please, feel free to write in your own candidate for excommunication from the civilized world (I have one in mind personally.)