ILENE TO THE WRITE

ILENE'S LIST OF PEOPLE WHO NEED TO GO FAR, FAR AWAY & NEVER RETURN (updated April 6, 2010)

#24: All women who are coming out of the woodwork saying they slept with Tiger Woods and/or Jesse James. Stop running to Gloria Allred to represent you and calling press conferences to get the 'truth' out so you can clear your 'good name.'

You knowingly pursued & f*#ked a famous, rich, married man. They already have a name for you: WHORE

Not only are you proud of being homewrecking slut, you're also an attention whore. Somehow, you'll figure out a way to have this scandal up your profile. You've already taken cash for tabloid 'exclusives' -- if you can parlay this into a Playboy layout or reality show, all your slutting around will really pay off. And the biggest slut of them all? Attention Whore Gloria Allred... Allready to hog the spotlight, no matter how sleazy the clients.

So to all of you: Tigers' whores, Jesse's whores, Gloria Allred... slither your way to the ferry where we'll ship you off to parts unknown. Make sure to take Tiger and Jesse with you, please.