THE TAKEAWAY -- THE 2012 EDITION

New Year's Eve is my most hated day of the year.   Truly.    I've never enjoyed it, regardless of how successful a year its been, how happy it's been, how much in love I've been, where I've spent the last night of year's end or with whom... even when I've hosted New Year's Eve parties, friends would notice I'd gone missing and would find me, usually teary eyed outside alone in the cold.    In short, New Year's Eve is bullshit...   But it does allow me to take stock of all that's come before and all that lies ahead and put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) to share what I've experienced, felt, discovered, realized, observed, strived for and missed the mark on in the 12 months since the last Takeaway. 

2011 was an all around shitty year.  Health issues.  The loss of my dad....  And 2012 was supposed to be a much better year.  And, for me, in a lot of ways, it was.  And in some ways, it wasn't.  Especially watching those I love go through the same horrible experiences I battled in 2011.   So, every year is awesome.  Every year is horrible.   Every glass is half full and half empty.  And everyone chooses how to face what each year throws at them and how to move on...   I do it with this cathatic tradition:  The Takeaway - 2012 edition.


Time doesn't heal anything.   I miss my father more and more every day he's not with us.

I will not tolerate liars.   Liars lie.  You lied.   Intentionally.  Repeatedly.    You are a liar.   And you always will be.  And a chain-smoker.  And a pill-popper.   And a trainwreck.  But mostly, you lied.

It a rare thing when David Lee Roth can break your heart.

Thank you, Coffeecake Corner (affiliated with Max Brenner Chocolate By The Bald Man) for opening on my corner.  It's good to know if I have the craving for Nutella on a toasted whole wheat bagel I can let the professionals handle it (so as to keep the Nutella out of my own home.)   Psst... for the record though, when I come in after a walk/run and order just steel cut oatmeal with bananas and pecans, a) don't ask me if I'd like a drizzle of caramel, marshmallow or hot fudge on it -- this is not a scene from ELF! and b) when the customer behind me asks if there's anything healthy on your menu, don't answer "everything!" when you were moments earlier willing to enrobe my heart healthy breakfast with sundae toppings!

It's a TIARA!!!!  Put it on me! Put it on me! Put it on me!   Amy Farrah Fowler is my hero.  She's such a rock star.    Every girl deserves a tiara.   (And a special thank you to my fairy godmother who sent me my own!)

There's an easiness about just being yourself.    Being yourself should be enough.    Being just Ilene.
But being "Just Ilene" isn't enough anymore.    "Just" is a diminishing modifier.   Dismissive.   Just Ilene ain't gonna fly.   "Just Ilene" just isn't enough.

Do you realize you're a Facebook stalker?   You creep me out.  

LEVAIN COOKIES and CAFE LALO.   This was the year I met both.  Oh.  Dear.  God.    Thank you for making sure this bakery from heaven (hell?) and bistro is so far uptown and away from my home.
  
J-DATE - Yeah, um, NO.  Your first/best suggestion for me is in no way acceptable.  Especially since it's someone I know.  When even my mother's response is, "oh, no, get the hell off of that website, now" it's OK to laugh.  Even snort a little tequila out of your nose.

THEATRE...  This year I saw PETER & THE STARCATCHER (which, unless you're willing to embrace your inner 10-year-old, you should avoid) and ALAN RICKMAN in SEMINAR, and JIM PARSONS in HARVEY, and PHILLIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN in DEATH OF A SALESMAN and AUDRA McDONALD in PORGY AND BESS.   I may bitch and moan about living alone in Manhattan but at the end of the day, I have Broadway and you have the Broadway Mall.  Suck it, suburbia.

McSorley's Ale House: always a happy place.

My hate for Florida grows exponentially each year.    Your residents are brain-addled-by-humidity gun-toting idiots ready to shoot first, claim victimhood later.   You're breeding monster pythons right out of a sci-fi nightmare scenario.  And your politics are about as pleasant (and intelligent) as that 500 yards of shit-smelling foulness Andy Dufresne crawled through to freedom.   But, you know, would love to see the Harry Potter stuff at Universal.   And maybe visit the Keys one day.   

I won't be your Yes Man.   I won't blow smoke up your ass.    I won't kiss that ass either.    Sorry, you've mistaken me for someone else.

You know you're really someone when you're back on the Meat List.

All the news programs do their end-of-year In Memorium reels... but a few people who passed this year meant a little more.    We lost The Kid - Gary Carter.  And Davy Jones (languish, languish.) And Charles Durning (my father's doppleganger.)

My biggest accomplishment of the year?  Watching a four-year-old play in the ball pit and teaching him to duck under then jump up and scream, "Bazinga!"  You're welcome.

Friends are not jumper cables. You don't throw them into the trunk until you need them in an emergency.

I tried to write a Bucket List.    Or a 500 by 50 list.    And I got started... but then I got to wondering, how much of life is enjoyed if, like every other obligation, you spend all your time trying to check off 'tasks' from the list?  I still have goals, and dreams... places I long to visit, experiences I long to have, adventures I long to go on... but I won't waste my time being so busy checking things off the list that I ignore what's right in front of me.   So much of the best memories in my life weren't the result of planning -- just blessed happenstance.     

My new rules for the universe?  Just say yes.   Just say thank you.
When the FedEx Man arrives early in the morning with a new iPad mini?  Or a big check?  Just say yes.
When you're given free concert tickets (even if it is - ew - Nickelback)... Just say yes (and watch Gavin Rossdale end up in your lap.)
When Springsteen tickets are yours on less than 3 hours notice... Just say yes and enjoy all 3 1/2 hours of soul-affirming rock 'n' roll in the swamps of Jersey.  
When your most rockin' friend presents you with a concert-of-a-lifetime opportunity?   Just say yes.   
When you're told, "come here" to snuggle...   Just say yes.
When you're invited out to L.A. for a long weekend, flown first class & have professionals do your hair and fake eyelashes for a black tie event... Just say yes (and have your driver stop at In 'n' Out.)
When you're offered vacation timeshare for a week as a gift... Just say yes.
When a dear friend insists on paying for everything, all the time... Just say Yes.   
And thank you.  (And pay them back in unsuspecting ways.)

I always forget how much I love horses and horseback riding.  I do it so rarely... but each time I'm a top a horse, I'm happy.    Must remember to do this more.

Aunt Ilene rocks.  And Aunt Ilene loves you.  But don't think Aunt Ilene won't scold you if you deserve it.  I'm your parent(s) friend... not yours.

Paperwork is filled out to renew my passport.    It's expired... and so has my patience with my lack of travel.   No, circumstances are very different now than when the passport was issued 10 years ago... but I'm ready and the universe better damn well be ready as well.   I want Paris and London, Prague and Edinburgh, Rome and Florence.   And Australia.   

Sedona, Arizona remains my happy place.   I can't express in words how being in that part of the country, amidst that landscape affects and moves me.   This year I made my fourth trip to Sedona and finally did the one thing I swore I'd do...    I went up in a hot air balloon for the first time.   Sure, I could have done it in upstate New York or central New Jersey but why?   If given the choice... how could you not choose to look at the red rocks from above?     It was one of the most incredible experiences of my entire life.  So peaceful.   So moving.   So awesome.    Mind blown.

Priorities: Who are yours?

Don't trust suburban housewives wearing beaverpelt vests.   

I don't understand how some truly shitty people are blessed with such happiness.   Or how some truly wonderful human beings are denied happiness.   Life is not fair.    Ain't that the truth.

God Bless AARON SORKIN and JEFF DANIELS.     Will McAvoy is my hero.  Best TV on TV.
God Bless JON STEWART
God Bless KEITH URBAN (seriously? do I have to watch American Idol now?  so unfair...)
God Bless DANIEL CRAIG / MIKAEL BLOMQVIST
God Bless STEPHEN COLBERT
God Bless ROB LOWE

God Bless WO HOP and the religious experience that is their chicken noodle soup.

I saw CASABLANCA and AN AMERICAN IN PARIS and REAR WINDOW and TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD, all on the big screen this year.  FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OUT, too.  I pity anyone who doesn't know the classics.   And I pity the fact we don't have more big-screen showing of the classics.    

If you miss someone, say something.    Do something about it.  

I pity anyone who has no wanderlust, no interest in the country or the world beyond their own little bubble, and no desire to travel.  The means or ability to travel is one thing -- but if you don't dream of traveling or long to see the world,  I don't understand you.  If you don't travel, you don't evolve.

My name is ILENE.  I am a LES MISERABLES ADDICT.   I confess.  It began at East Meadow High School when English teacher Ellen First realized her Long Island students, so close to Manhattan, had not seen Broadway shows and instituted a calendar full of field-trips to NYC.    I was lucky enough to see Les Miz when it first opened on Broadway, with the original Broadway cast and was hooked from that day forth.  I've seen it ten or so times on Broadway, attended the satellite feed of the 25th Anniversary Concert from London's 02 arena, and happily bought tickets to the motion picture twice in the past week -- saw it on Christmas Eve and then less than 12 hours later on Christmas Morning.    I love this play.  And, let's face it... in this world, you're either an Eponine or a Cosette.  I know which I am.   I know my way around.    "AND REMEMBER, THE TRUTH THAT ONCE WAS SPOKEN: TO LOVE ANOTHER PERSON IS TO SEE THE FACE OF GOD."

I paid WAY too much money for a ticket to see Def Leppard (mock if you like) at Jones Beach this summer.  WAY too much.   I can rationalize it if I like but bottom line: too much money.   And you know what?  I'd do it again in a second!   It was the perfect night. The perfect weather.  The perfect company for this concert... yes, the tequila and beer and heros in the Jones Beach parking lot helped, and being 3rd, practically in the band members' laps didn't hurt, but it was really all the intangibles that added up to make annual girls' night out a truly stellar adventure.   And you simply can't put a price on genuine fun and laughter like that.   [We'll see you next time... and there WILL be a next time.]

Grown ass women who obsess over boy bands creep me out.   
As do grown ass women obsessed with Hello Kitty.    

I toned down most of the political postings on Facebook this year... and employed the hide and unsubscribe functions more than ever.   Sad to think I know such ill-informed, angry, and potentially violent people or worse -- call them "friends."   

Newport, Rhode Island rocks.  Made my first visit -- only 4 hours late due to roadtrip partner's food poisoning.   Note to self: don't eat sushi at the Trumbull CT Mall.

I live in Manhattan.   It's not Cuba.  It's not the moon.  Crossing the Hudson isn't like Huck Finn on the Mississippi.   Really, traveling here to visit me is relatively easy.   

The thing about pit vipers is you never know when they'll turn on each other... or on you.   

Never more inspired than by a young man who follows his dream to serve his nation.

Texting is a half-assed form of communication.  As is instant messaging.   Yes, it's easy, it's convenient... but it can't be the primary connection.   If someone is worth more to you, they're worth your time.

I love my new iPhone (thank you.)  A girl needs a smartphone on which to play Taipei.  It's science.

I found myself in Los Angeles, in the sunshine, wearing a dress & cardigan, wedge sandals, with a venti Starbucks Iced Green Tea Frappucino with Whip in one hand and a Coach handbag with a Maltese named "Hollywood" in the other hand.  Dear God, the LA is contagious!    Truth be told, I loved everything about my stay there... sometimes it's nice to be reminded you're part of the family and appreciated just as you are.  

When you feel low, ask yourself, "where are you now? where have you always been?"  Then breathe.

I spent my birthday morning at my father's grave.   It wasn't the plan but my friend was burying her own father just 20 feet away.   And watching her start out on the journey I'm now on was heartbreaking.  This is a shitty sorority to which we belong.

My good opinion, once lost, is lost forever.  Yeah, I know it's Fitzwilliam Darcy's line but I agree. 

You hurt me.  Badly.   Please, don't do it again.

I've tried... but I'm just not a cotton-candy pink polish on the toes kind of girl.
But make no mistake... I am a girl.  Try not to forget that.

Being on a boat makes me happy -- must make sure I do it more often.  This year alone, I've been on a schooner in Newport Harbour, a speedboat in Great South Bay, a sailboat off Shelter Island, aboard a skiff in the Calibogue Sound and on a ferry out and back to Alcatraz...   But by far, the best of them all was the  gorgeous day on the water, on a boat all the way to Sore Thumb Beach, sitting in a beach chair, with beer and watermelon and sunshine and a bestie as company.   Sometimes, life really is like a Corona commercial.    

I think you need to see a psychiatric professional.   Or adjust your meds.   Or both.   You are unstable.

I'm fascinated by those who go out of their way, actively choose, and intentionally seek to see the negative in everything and everyone, only complain, and criticize, and be snarky, and attempt to force that negativity onto others.    What an incredible waste of energy... how exhausting it must be to be so miserable... 

My family cleans up real good -- dress us up in black tie and ain't nothing but a party.  Wish there were more of these types of get togethers - fun.  The open bar doesn't hurt.  Weddings and Bar Mitzvahs and a Bris... 2012 was a good year for family.  

Fuck geography.

You can keep trying but you'll never have more of a friendship with me than you do now.   Not until you are willing to address the past.   I'm giving you the minimal friendship you wanted.  Deal with it.

In any relationship, the person who cares less is the person in control.  

Donald Trump is a pimple on the ass of humanity.

Guns ARE the problem.   And some of the people with the guns.  And those with guns who won't speak out.   And the people so obtuse they choose their love of guns over their love of human life, the safety of others and wrap themselves in the cloak of the American flag and the 2nd Amendment.   Get rid of assault weapons.  Get rid of semi-assault weapons.  Get rid of the magazines that hold hundreds of rounds.  Get rid of all military grade weapons.  Up the background check.  Require classes.  Increase funding for mental health care.  And stop pretending our Founding Fathers wanted you to have a conceal-carry permit for your handgun or an Uzi to take out an elk.   Aurora matters.  Newtown broke a nation's heart and the camel's back.

Thank heaven Obama was re-elected.   And that's all I have to say about that.

I am your biggest fan.   You're just going to have to deal with that. 

I keep trying to take the high road.  I keep trying to be the better person.  I keep trying to believe the words of the late Senator Ted Kennedy: "have faith in the future and in yourself."  I will continue to be disappointed by others' deeds and words.  I will continue to be hurt.  I will continue to make progress and sometimes slip backwards... and I will sometimes be tempted to say the meaner thing or act in the more hurtful manner.   But I can't do it --  it's not who I am.  I sleep well at night and can face myself in the mirror each morning.  And that will have to do.

Babe, I love you but trust me.  I know from personal experience, going blonde is not a good idea.

I have control issues, I know.  I'm working on them.  Really.  The ironic part is, for someone with such control issues you'd think she'd be more in control. 

Music was such a huge part of 2012.  JASON MRAZ and PINK and KENNY CHESNEY and RICHIE SAMBORA... and live concerts -- PETER GABRIEL.  JASON MRAZ.   DAVE MATTHEWS BAND.   DEF LEPPARD/POISON.  SOUL ASYLUM.   BUSH.   I'm so happy that after so long music speaks to me again, that its enjoyable to be in a concert venue and not bristle.   But the rock 'n' roll winning lottery ticket for me that was the 12-12-12 HURRICANE SANDY benefit at MSG.    I'd never seen McCartney before.  I'd never seen The Stones before.  I'd never seen any incarnation of Pink Floyd before (and I'm not a fan.  at all.)  But that there was the trifecta...    to be IN that venue and be a part of that historic night. Stoked to have attended.  Open bar was a bonus.   Not working it, a bigger bonus.   Experiencing it with the right wingman: biggest bonus of all.   Also, those cheeseburgers at MSG are so freakin' good.

HURRICANE SANDY was devastating and life-affirming, heartbreaking and heartwarming.   The viciousness of Mother Nature met with the response of human kindness and people looking out for each others.  THIS is who we are, America.   Give money, and time.  It's still needed.   And LIPA, you can still go eff yourself.

I don't comprehend people who find no pleasure in reading, no enjoyment in expanding their minds or escaping the real world for spell through the magic of books.  (And no, mommy porn does not count.)

So I guess my number isn't stored in your phone anymore, huh?

I saved your asses.  Again.  You're welcome.

Charleston, South Carolina... I think I love you.    And Hilton Head Island.  And Savannah.
Yes, drinking frozen daiquiries is a totally perfect lunch.
Yes, try the fried gator, the grilled gator, the grilled oysters, the grouper, the wahoo, the fried frogs' legs, the hummingbird cake and the grits.
Yes, climb out of the boat barefoot onto the shoal and beachcomb for sand dollars.
I'll be back to your city for sure.  And back to Magnolia's.

The best adventures are the larks, the spur-of-the-moment ideas, the "wouldn't it be funny if" hypotheticals that become reality.   Best.  Girls'.  Getaway.  Weekend. Ever.   San Francisco, we'll be back.   There's so much wine left untasted!

Answering big questions can't be done on command.  Sometimes, they're decades in the making.   Sometimes its better to leave the question unanswered if you fear the outcome.   Sometimes, its better to not know if Schroedinger's Cat is dead or alive.   Until you can face the answers yourself, it's best to keep the box closed.  

I don't like New Year's - as I've pointed out - and I don't like resolutions.  So mine are basic.    Keep my hair long.  Continue to see the glass more than half full as often as possible.  Know that exactly where I am is exactly where I'm supposed to be.   Believe that what is meant to be will be.  Spend more time with family and friends.   Less time with those whose energy drains mine.  And basically, hope for "more good shit."     MORE.   BETTER.   AND AGAIN.   For all of us.

Thank you to my friends and family who love me just as I am and make this yearly journey with me. 

May the best days of 2012 compare only to the very worst in the year head.

Wishing you and yours a happy, healthy, prosperous, joyous and laughter-filled 2013.
All that you wish for, all that you deserve.