QUOTE THE JACKASS, NEVERMORE -- Volume I

It's no secret that the majority of my adult life and professional career has been spent in the entertainment industry, specifically the music business, either full-time or freelance.

It's also no secret that behavior deemed acceptable within the walls of entertainment-related work environments would make the HR staff at run-of-the-mill Office Space cubicle farms and by-the-book, 9-to-5 corporate offices in lower Manhattan spit-take their double soy lattes all over their TPS reports.

It's a challenge explaining to people who haven't worked within the music industry that off-the-charts profane, sexist, politically incorrect, abusive, and 'colorful' language is the norm because you run the risk of implying that you condone it. There isn't a derogatory term that doesn't get dropped, regularly.

Offensive is acceptable, especially when trashing women. If you don't laugh it off, you're an overly emotional, uptight and frigid girl. If you let it roll off your back and act like one of the boys, you'll survive in the boys' locker room until that moment your ovaries betray you. Oh, trust me -- it's inevitable. (Even if you've nailed a good number of artists, crew, and industry insiders.) In the end, you're Just A Girl. Stand up for yourself and you're a bitch. There's little room for movement.

It's also really hard to explain (and sound like a sane, reasonable human in 2010) how a stapler thrown at your head or, you know, a geriatric penis whipped out in the back of a NYC yellow taxi, doesn't result in a huge lawsuit and windfall settlement. You just have to have worked in the business to attest to it (and not just music -- in radio, TV and movies, too.) Trust me. Rent the movie Swimming With Sharks. (I had a packet of Sweet 'n' Low and a packet of Equal tacked to my cubicle wall as a daily reminder that I'd never be right.) Watch Entourage. It's not fiction.

Now, because they've added up and are so unbelievable and deranged they've become great fodder to mock the people who had the audacity to utter the words, I thought it might be enlightening (though potentially offensive) to share with you the creme de la creme of the insults lobbed my way.

Trust me, friends in the industry can back me up as witnesses (and/or offer examples even more disgusting than the ones listed below.) I'm not going to provide the source of these quotes because, let's face it, we all need work and if you're going to swim through the sludge that is the entertainment industry, finger-pointing until you've secured your millions, your Sagaponack retreat, and your book deal, is just ill-advised.

(Now, imagine a drumroll, if you will.)

TOP 10 QUOTES TO /ABOUT ME DURING MY 16 YEARS IN THE MUSIC BUSINESS:

10) "You know, all she needs is a good fucking and this wouldn't be such a big deal."

9) "I paid her $500.00 out of my own pocket. I wrote her a personal check. I can talk to her any damn way I want now."

8) "You can drop from this conference call now. It's all numbers and calculations from here on out and you're a girl. I know that's not your thing."

7) (After dropping a foot-high stack of paperwork at my feet) : "Now pick that shit up and fix it."

6) "You're just a Jewish fucking princess. What the hell kind of mother raised you? "

5) "You're too smart. You never fail to remind people how smart you are because every time you open your mouth, they see how smart you are. People don't like that."

4) "Come on, come on... do the math. You should be good with numbers, Mrs. Horowitz."

3) "I've been in the music business a long, long time and this is how I see it. Artists have managers and those managers are almost always men. These men take the big meetings, make the big deals, formulate the big plans, outline the big projects, make the big decisions in the corridors of power. And then there's the management office and it's almost always run by a woman because they do it so much better. They run the show. They schedule the meetings, prepare all the materials, do all the work and actually get the projects completed and the ideas realized. But they don't get the paycheck and they don't get the credit so they leave, either because they get burnt out and fed up or they get pregnant."

2) "Wow. You look really good tonight. You're getting laid, aren't you? Yeah, you're definitely getting fucked. Who is he?"

1) "I don't know what your problem is, but you have one. You have lots of them. I don't know if it's emotional or mental, but you have a problem and you better fucking figure it out 'cause I know this much: I'm not your fucking problem. I've been in this business for 25 years and you are the single most difficult woman I've ever had to deal with." **

**This is my favorite because, yes, the person uttering this tirade was, actually, my problem.
Also, I have seriously considered having the quote rhinestoned onto a baseball cap.

I assure you, these are all real. And while I'm not proud to have been the recipient of such inexcusable abuse, the point it that this behavior and this harassment is not only tolerated, possibly even encouraged, it's definitely not out of the norm. Hazing is real and, in some cases, never-ending. I'm not particularly embarrassed by these charges either because I know the sources and the context, and while the saner angels of our nature will never find a proper context for this abuse, it really was never about ME. Because I've heard horrific things, untrue and derogatory things, said about other people -- some considered colleagues, friends, allies, even family... It can be an incredibly toxic world and you grown a pretty sturdy shell real fast.

If anything, this speaks to the broader ills that are corroding the music/concert business and entertainment industry and offers you a glimpse of the people populating the corner offices on the upper floors, collecting their seven-figure paychecks and choppering out to the Hamptons.

A few points of note.
- These are just a handful of the ones I *know* about.
- No, not all of the comments were uttered by men. Chew on that.
- Yes, in some instances these interactions were reported to HR staff and/or superiors.
- No, most of the time it made little or no difference.
- Yes, lawyers were advised; no, lawsuits were never filed. (The industry may be foul, but it's also incestuous with a long memory.)
- No, none of these quotes were uttered by anyone remotely defined as famous.

But have no fear -- there's a ton more to be shared, comments that weren't directed at me but are just as vile. So stay tuned for Volume II.

"I never met an asshole in the music business I didn't like"
"If we do are job right, music isn't black or white -- it's green."

The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench,
a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free
and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side."
- Hunter S. Thompson